What's THAT?! A grub!

Every day I have to face one of the most humiliating, humbling, most challenging tasks that --here--even babies do better than me: eat. Again, one of those things that sound sooo simple and you totally take it for granted, but in actuality, not everyone in the world EATS the same way as you do. And I had to learn this, the hard way: by trying as an adult.

First things first: the teenagers have finished cooking, they've placed the food in the big, communal bowl, they've laid down the cloth for eating at and they've called everyone to come and eat. As a girl--I'm not really considered a woman/adult because I'm not married, nor do I have children-- its culturally appropriate for me to sit next to other children or women. That's it. Sometimes if I'm with really good friends, it won't matter if I'm next to a man or not, but usually as we're all walking and/or scooting over to the cloth mat I'm already consciously thinking of how to make my way over so that as we sit down I'll be next to the right people. Ok, once we're all there I usually try to be the first or the last to sit down so that the others can really make it culturally appropriate by moving around me, or moving me to the right place. Once that place is found there's the next problem: how to sit down without flashing everyone who's already sitting, sit correctly so that as we're eating I don't flash the people across or next to me, and how to keep my butt from hitting others as I try to squeeze in next to them!

My advice for a wrap skirt is: stand with the right foot closest to the bowl, bunch up your skirt in front of you so that the back is pulled tight around your knees, bend over from he waist, so that your legs are straight and your torso is down, bend the knees, bringing the butt down to your ankles and sit. As you shift your weight to the butt, let your ankles cross in front of you, allow the skirt to give as you achieve your cross-legged position. If all goes well you should be facing the person to your left, and your right knee should be pointing towards the bowl, thus making the right hand reach to the food quick, easy, and short. Sitting sideways is most polite so that more people can fit around the bowl. You could also sit with both feet behind you and your knees facing the bowl as you lean over your legs, but its harder to do if you're a bigger person (like me--well, at least comparatively speaking).
Ok, so I'm sitting next to the nice lady of the house and a young teen is on my other side. One person, usually the eldest child, is in charge of making sure everyone washes their hands. There is a plastic bowl like thing called a ___________ with a (usually) matching satela. The child will place the ___________ in front of you, you put your hands over it, grab the soap from on top, and s/he'll pour water from the satela over your hands. When you're finished you say "yuni" (you-knee), s/he'll stop pouring, and move to the next person. Now its very important to remember NOT TO TOUCH ANYTHING with your right hand now that its clean and ready to eat. If you do, it'll be dirty again and you'll have to re-wash. Usually we rest the wrist on the knee while we wait for everyone to finish.

If that wasn't complicated enough, now comes the really hard part: digging in! Once everyone--anywhere from 6 to 13+ people have all washed, the plate is brought in the circle, and everyone scoots in as close as possible--usually with knees, elbows, or legs all up in each others space-- the host will say "Bismillah" (bis-mill-ah) meaning, "Welcome God" and we all reach in to the pie-shaped space in front of us. The first bite is always just rice, so go ahead and gently scrape off the top layer in front of you, bringing it closer to your piece of the bowl's edge. Be careful! If you dig too much the rice will be really really hot and burn your fingers!


Phew! Rice is accumulated in front of you; next is getting it outof the bowl and just in your hand. Gently cup your fingers and scoop the rice up the slope of the bowl towards you. Most people like to swipe side to side to make sure that all crumbs are collected off of the bowl's side, then use the momentum and pressure to just lift your hand up and away from the bowl! Voila! Rice in the hand! But don't rejoice yet, you're still hungry and haven't even eaten anything yet!
With your right hand only squeeze your hand into a fist, encompassing all of the rice with your hand and fingers. You know you're an EXPERT baller if you can squeeze it and make a juicy, squelching squeak and make some oil drip out!

ATTENTION: THE FOLLOWING IS ONLY TO BE READ BY THOSE OF STOUT HEART AND MIND. THE CONTENTS ARE DIFFICULT FOR THOSE OF SQUEAMISH DISPOSITION TO HANDLE.
The best way to actually get the food into your mouth is to collect that ball of food at the pads of your fingers, start with your tongue at the base of the palm, and lick all the way up, sometimes wrapping your upper lip over the top of your fingers to keep rice from falling off. The first few days of doing this will be slow goings, and rice will fall all over your lap, the floor, the cloth mat, and maybe back into the bowl. But no worries! Everybody's doing it!
A good host will pick off the choicest pieces of meat and veggies from the center of the bowl and throw them right in front of your eating place to show that you are honored and they want you to eat well. If not, it shows you're just one of the family and you've got to get your hand in the pile of food quickly, pulling out your bites of fish/meat or veggies as you go.
Possible challenges: the bones in the fish (you have to squish the meat in your palm with your thumb, looking for the bones, then pull them out with your left hand, depositing them on the cloth mat in front of you), small pebbles that weren't properly sorted before cooking the rice (these can really hurt your teeth if you bite down on one!), pulling the meat off of the bones or getting the fat off of the meat (ask someone to hold the other end for you, and pull off the piece of meat that you want to eat), being given intestines (either smile and swallow quickly or gently push it back into the center of the plate), or even bugs landing in the food (scoop him and the rice he touched out of the bowl and onto the cloth mat). Bon Apetit!

Of course when you've finally gotten enough food into your mouth and spilled the equivalent on the floor, your skirt, or your neighbor, you're full and ready to go, but your host will insist that you keep eating, increasing what you've eaten so far, and eating until you're full. They won't have you leaving (even slightly) hungry! If you're insistent enough, just get up, go over to the __________ and wash your hands so that they're clean. Ahhhh..... now lay down on the foam mattress, wait for tea, and relax! You did it!