Monday, July 6, 2009

It can be really frustrating ...

My aim is to work WITH the people to help them realize their own goals, use their own resources, and promote their lives. Which is perfect for helping a developing community enable itself to develop when I'm no longer there.

When first assigned to my village I was told to work with the women's cooperative. No problem! Except that they have stopped working.

As of June 20th or so I've been in this country for one year. That's one year of putting up with ridiculous travel arrangements, being called racial names in city streets, asked for money because I'm a "rich white person", and trying to overlook what Americans would considering general bad manners-- but are cultural norms here. Well the other day I was fed up with it. All of it. And I was wondering what I'm even doing here.

People in the village are beginning ask why I have come to Tokomadji. To learn the culture? To learn the language? Not to give them things? (Outright giving is looked down on in the Peace Corps as it may ultimately prolong the cycle of not working, asking, receiving, not working, asking, receiving, etc.) Thus furthering my exasperation with my work, role, being here... and I miss my family in the US.

After putting up with the inactivity of the Women's cooperative, seeing countless attempts at projects fail, dealing with rude teenagers and ignorant adults, I knew I needed a pick me up. I went to one of my local best friends house for lunch. Unfortunately I saw the president of the women's cooperative and thought I'd talk business with her for a second: she immediately ripped me a new one, chewing me out for a misunderstanding the day before.... well, I lost it. Totally. I not only started crying at my friend's house, but was so distraught I went into a room, tried to call another volunteer in another village, but couldn't even talk. An hour later my friend walked in to see if I was feeling better, and I STILL couldn't talk for the sobs that were filling me head to soul.

Needless to say my friends, the women on hand, and anyone else who heard about my little upset were completely indignant! One woman asked if I've been having a hard time, why I hadn't said anything sooner, why I hadn't talked to her in the first place so she could go to any troublesome child's home, talk to his/her father, and eradicate any problems I may have. She also said she'd be willing to use her immense size to settle any qualms and call a village meeting to relay any message to the villagers and/or tell them not to bother me, be more respectful, etc.

While discussing it with Penda, Neene Ba, and Salimata, they were all quick to express that I've been nothing but upstanding, willing to work, and they are in the fault for not working as a cooperative! I was shocked! And pleased! Nonetheless I told them that with the field expansion project they want me to help them with, I don't know if its worth it: they don't even work the field they already have or tend to their dying fruit trees; as such I explained that after talking it over with my boss, I would let them know if we will continue this project, find a new one they can handle, or if I should just go home.

The next day I came to Kaedi (yes, for 4 hours in the back of a short-bedded pick-up truck with about 12 other people over rocky terrain), met up with my American friends, and prepared for vacation in Saint Louis, Senegal. On our way, Sara and I found out about an American teacher shot 6 times at point blank in the face... in Nouakchott, the capital of Mauritania! As some already know, Mauritania has been denying visas to Americans for a few months now, and we were worried that this may be part of a growing anti-American sentiment in this Muslim republic. Turns out we were right: the killing of this known Christian missionary was claimed as an act of Al Qaida.

We made it down to Senegal in a hurry, enjoyed our vacation with a few other friends, and on the 5th day of vacation we got wind of IS: Interrupted Service is an offered to us because Peace Corps Washington has apparently deemed Mauritania an unsafe country. As such we are given the 3 choices: (1) the opportunity to end our service NOW, receiving full benefits as if we completed 2 years, (2) the option of re-enrolling in Peace Corps in a different country, or (3) continuing our service in Mauritania until completion in 2010.

As of now we have an unofficial count of about 20 volunteers opting to go home. Seriously, like 99% of them are NOT going home because they feel unsafe: we all are totally safe in our villages, and are NOT targets in this mostly peaceful society. That 99% or so is going home because they feel ineffective in their sites/villages. hmmm... sounds familiar!

After thinking about it, talking with other volunteers (especially those finishing their 2 year services!), and thinking of the possibilities, I've decided to stay in Mauritania. My boss advised me to not think of the recent events in my village to make this decision, but to consider the entire year that I've served so far. The Garack volunteer said that the one-year mark is always a low point in a volunteer's service, so look beyond the here and now. And finally another had me consider the year I've spent already....multiply that by 100, and that is the awesomeness of the second year of service. These two girls really made an impact: hearing about their own struggles and ultimate victories in this place put a great, positive perspective on my own service.


I've decided to stay, focus more on teaching the children, working with the youths, and not feeling so caught up by village "expectations" to work with a specific group (especially when that group doesn't work too well!). Hopefully I'll be starting tree nurseries with the "soccer team" (group of young men that enjoy a very individualistic game of soccer), village clean ups with the teens, health and sanitation with the young mothers, English with the high schoolers, and other projects that will encourage learning, unity, environmental education, and healthy practices. Though these projects may not necessarily continue when I'm gone, maybe the message will be lived out in their daily lives, perhaps a love of education will be born, and I know the consequences of my continuing on will reach people and places we can never imagine.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

wow ,you are in the middle of conflict and bad relations and you still chose to stay! bravo! i shall pray for your safety. may God grant you wisdom,patience and courage.

Anonymous said...

You are amazing! I salute your selflessness and hope. You are in our prayers everyday.

Bailey said...

Wow Michele. I cant believe you have already been gone a whole year. It seems like only last week we were hanging out in your front yard, laughing and joking at your going away party.
You will never know how much of an impact you will have on those people, let alone those of us at home, that can only guess at how hard it actually is to do what you are doing.
Giving up, is something the Michele I know would never do. And you are proving it by staying there, even with the recent events that have taken place. I know if you were to leave, you would regret it for the rest of your life.
Stick in there, we will be here when you get back, waiting with open arms.
Love ya Meesh! <3 Bay

Yvonne said...

TWIN!! holy MOLEY!! you are absolutely my hero!!! cannot believe its been a year. But although you may not see it now you ARE making an impact it may not be on a big scale but someone there is changing RIGHT now because of you... someone is experiencing things through your stories of what you have experienced. Someone who will NEVER leave that little town got to meet you and in a way hear things about places they may have never known of otherwise. Personally thats amazing! YOURE AMAZING!! and strong and hardworking and NOT a quitter and although part of me wanted to be selfish and really say come home now!! especially with the incident, that would not be you. Stick to it, stay strong.. you WILL persevere. It's like you told me when you used to run the 3 miles around CLU ... there is always that point when you just want to stop. Really... just stop.. but there was always a part of you that said no.. keep going almost there.. and felt THAT much greater at the end. (I know.. completely different analogy but just wanted to remind you of that girl) You are strong, a ball of energy bursting at the seams.. do whatever you need to do to recharge.. have a cry have a laugh get away.. but then get back on that damn horse and do what you want to do! :) I LOVE you! WE ALL LOVE YOU!! and support you and miss you.. keep your head up.. you're in my prayers! ~Twin

Debbie Putman said...

I am continually amazed at your maturity and commitment. It is an honor to know you. I will keep praying for you (and your mom who loves you more than you can even imagine). God is with you always,
Debbie/Nana

Nicole Walker said...

Hi Michelle! This is NIcole Walker, don't know if you remember me, but anyway... I didn't know you were doing Peace Corps and came across this link accidently, but I just wanted to say that you are amazing. I remember meeting you at CLU and thinking about how capable you were of adapting to any situation and I was excited to work with you as an RA... which we didn't really, but I was still excited. Anyway, your situation sounds extraordinary, but keep up the good work and your positive attitude and know that you have friends and family and random people from college praying for you and sending you good thoughts. Good luck with everything and I hope your next is successful... even if it's not in the exact way you were hoping. :)